well, first off, this. it’s about the die-in after the peace vigil last thursday. i was at the vigil but left before the die-in, but i’m excited about what happened… and there are pictures!

from 11-22:

“i have a hard time centering down when doing my kitchen solitary study. i think it is because i think of it as a study time. and also because my solitary silence is much more empty-feeling than the silence at Quaker meeting. it is full of the loudness of my own thoughts– & i cant figure out how best to do it. there is so much in my reading to mull over– there is this journal to use to unfold big thoughts,– there are cozy cats– there is the lack of feeling of community. i feel lost & frightened when left to my own devices. and at quaker meeting i know i am supposed to be worshipping, but here, worship feels like a lazy break from the importance of study (especially today with my bleary sleepy eyes), especially because it is still so stuttering & new & confused. i know how to read & think & write alone at a table. but meeting God here, i don’t know.”

i like that i leave some time between when i first write in my journal and when i post it, because i get to look back at what i wrote and see where i am. and fortunately, much has changed in my morning practice, since only 2 weeks ago. i’m not sure if it’s a for good change, but that lost feeling has been less.

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Published in: on 12 December, 2006 at 10:24 am  Comments (1)  

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One CommentLeave a comment

  1. 1.

    Cubbie,

    Thanks for the link to the Civic Center blog. From there I also found Jan in SF’s post about the vigil. I look at both from time to time but never regularly.

    It’s funny, I first started attending meeting at 15th Street in NYC during the runup to the first Gulf War (perhaps the same Gulf War we’ve still got, just in a different phase?). I was at the meeting’s vigil across from the UN every week for months. And the SF Meeting’s vigil has been there over 5 years, and I have never participated. Alas!

    Also, thanks for the peek into your journaling/posting habits. I find my journaling lately is more about recording “what happened” than “why” or “how do I feel about that?” Not very interesting, really, but somehow helpful nonetheless.

    – Chris M.

    Comment by Chris M. — December 12, 2006 @ 1:52 pm
    2.

    … then, later, if you choose, you can go back and process it, with clearer detail of memory than if you hadn’t written it.

    unlike me, who is like, “i know something happened… and i know how i felt about it… but what actually happened?”

    Comment by cublet — January 2, 2007 @ 11:35 am


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