i cannot find my most recent paper journal. our world has been pretty chaotic, and so it makes sense. apparently our cat who pees when he gets stressed out has peed on a couple of our blankets recently, and i am not surprised. i am working on not freaking out about the fallout from the chaos, because i knew things were getting chaotic, and chaotic things make messes and that’s just true.

i’ve started going to al anon. people have been saying, recently, in a way that i’ve never heard before, “perhaps, cubbie, the fact that your father was a drug addict has had effects on the way that you deal with things now.” and seriously, that was a big shocker for me. obvious, but also startling. and i had never really thought of al anon before, but i’m trying it out. the two meetings that i’ve been to have both focussed on step 3, which is one of those about the higher power, and right now, since i’ve been running into some weird myths about god that i made up when i was really little, it’s been helpful to have this really focussed lens with which to look at them.

so, sunday, at meeting, i was looking at that some, and in this bright shining way, “god is not my need to be perfect” came into my head, and it was such a giant “a-ha!” and i am so glad that it came to me, because… that has been god for me in so many ways for a very long time. and it’s so not true.

Published in: on 20 February, 2007 at 11:10 am  Comments (1)  

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One CommentLeave a comment

  1. 1.

    oh, fantastic. that is a super special wonderful thing.

    i like you so much! and i am proud of your realizations.

    Comment by puck — February 20, 2007 @ 10:43 pm

    thank you, baby.

    hey, do you know any ways for this to be lj-errific as far as comments goes– knowing when people comment back on their own journals and stuff?

    Comment by cublet — February 22, 2007 @ 11:03 am

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