home is where when you have to go there, they have to take you in.

there has been a lot of talk among queers about the chosen family. as a group of people who have in many cases been tossed out of their birth homes, there has been a great need for new families, who will accept and love no matter what. sadly, the tossing has been done by many faith communities, and so a queer person’s chosen family is rarely a religious one. at least as far as i’ve seen.

yesterday, my mom came and visited our home. i was going to meet her at her hotel at a certain time, but the dishes took longer than i thought and the pie took longer than i thought, so, after a number of reschedulings, i met her an hour and a half later than i’d thought. the plan had been that we’d hang out there for awhile and then come back and puck would make lasagna and we’d eat it and pie and i’d make it to the quaker study group in time for the discussion, though not for the meal. and i’ve been really into the pie that i’ve been making (lime, with lavender whipped cream), and i’ve wanted to share it with them, and bring something homemade and yummy and delightful to this group of people who i think are great.

but we got to my house and things took longer for puck than they’d thought, and i was getting really sad and stressed out, because i’d made this pie for my friends and i wanted them to be able to have it, and and and and and.

so, i decided that the way to deal with that was to take the fifteen minute walk down to the meetinghouse while the lasagna was still cooking, bring them the pie, and come back. this would calm me down, and they’d get the pie, and both would be good things. so i ran down there, and as i neared, i realized how… weird this was. how maybe they’d be weirded out by the floral whipped cream. how maybe i should just give the pie to a group of homeless people and then they would all eat pie rather than self-destruct for one night. how we don’t usually eat in the middle of the study group. how i hadn’t even sliced it and and and and.

i got there and rang the bell, and charles let me in and i tried to just give him the pie with a brief explanation, but he said i should do it, so i came in and everyone seemed so excited to see me, and extra excited about the pie, and i rambled and rambled about how i felt crazy and how it was lavender whipped cream and and and and and.

then i got invited to sit in silence. and i sat down among this group of friends and i felt so calm. i felt a presence that was maybe just their love and was maybe more and maybe their love and more are still the same thing… and it was very sweet.

and then it ended and i rambled some more and still felt sort of crazy, but still felt very loved. still felt very welcome. still felt very at home.

thank you.

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One CommentLeave a comment

  1. 1.

    Oh honey. I think we all feel that way sometimes.

    Could we reprint this in the newsletter? Did you know I’m going to be clerk of the news committee next year?

    Robin M.

    Comment by Robin M. — April 20, 2007 @ 11:41 am

    i’ve reread it, and i think i am okay with you putting it in the newsletter. my biggest concern about it is that i don’t want it to come across as “the quakers are better than my mom & puck” or that the quakers accept me more than they do. because that’s not true. does it come across that way to you at all?

    Comment by cublet — April 21, 2007 @ 8:30 am

    You made me cry. (The good kind of crying, as my sixth-grade class explained to me when I finished student teaching.)

    Thank you, Cubbie.

    Comment by Cat Chapin-Bishop — April 21, 2007 @ 12:09 pm

    This beautiful post inspired me to write about the need we feel for meetings as safe places to go for all of us over on my own blog. Thanks.

    Comment by RichardM — April 23, 2007 @ 11:40 am

    No, I don’t think its sounds like the meeting is better than, just that you felt an obligation, and that when you were a bit overwhelmed by it all, the meeting folk were good to be with. And we know that we fail sometimes, sometimes you aren’t as accepted as you’d like to be, but the key is that WE ALL FEEL THAT WAY. Some times. Really. And that is why I want to reprint the post.

    And the question of “chosen family” is in some ways relevant to every convinced Friend – which as you know, in SF Meeting, is most of us. There’s nobody over the age of 12 in our Meeting who’s been attending there since birth. The ones who grew up Quaker grew up far away. This is an interesting fact in a faith community, I think. Hmm. Maybe I should write a post about that.

    Comment by Robin M. — April 24, 2007 @ 1:48 pm

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